How much is too much?

What do you do when you feel like you’ve got so much on you can’t catch your breath?  When as soon as you get a grip on what you need to focus on and what you need to accomplish the list doubles and doubles again?

As I’ve said before at the moment I’m juggling the delicate balancing act of working full time and studying full time.  Granted that I’m using the amazing technology of the internet to earn a University degree online without ever having to attend a lecture or tutorial in person.  But this comes with it’s own challenges.  To study online you need to be dedicated and self motivated.  There is no set time of the day or week that you HAVE to do anything.  No recurring lecture to attend, no tutorial group to discuss ideas with and get an immediate insight on the topics with.  You find the time, whatever time that is.  For me it’s increasingly becoming about 5 in the morning when I get home from work and can’t sleep I log on do some readings and post in the discussion board.  But unless you make yourself keep on track, unless you prioritise your life and commit to making study work, it won’t.

Up to this point I’ve been able to navigate the rocky terrain of this journey relatively unscathed.  Sure there is always a time when everything is due at once and work needs my full attention as well.  But that’s the exception to the rule, usually I’m able to plan things in advance enough for me to be able to maintain some form of balance and still have some form of life outside of work and Uni.

Recently there are more and more things coming up that I need to focus on.  I’m still working hard at work and uni, I’m also putting a lot of effort to build my social media skills and develop a genuine online presence, on top of that I’m working on a freelance design for Pride March Victoria, I’m getting the framework and website together for my freelance web design company Blushing Toms Design and I’m also committed to enhancing the website and web presence of Blushing Toms to generate more sales, reach more people, develop new products and really establish us as a renowned business in the LGBTI community.  On top of all that is another new venture that’s knocking on my door, it looks amazing and enticing, but it will also take an incredible amount of time, energy, enthusiasm, creativity and persistence to make it work.

Is that too much?  Will it be the proverbial straw that breaks the camels back?

Usually it’s easy to tell when there is too much of something, you’re filling up a glass and it overflows, thats too much.  You feed your dog a bone that is double the size of it’s entire body, regardless of what your dog may tell you that IS too much.  But when it’s intangible things, when it’s your time, your effort and your energy where do you draw the line?  Do you wait until you burn out, have a breakdown and can’t do anything other than watch bad daytime TV for a year to recover?

That’s not something I’m all too keen on, don’t get me wrong daytime TV can be a good break but there’s far to many bad infomercials for my liking.  Truth be told I think your body and your instincts give you the signal when things are getting on top of you, even if you don;t always recognise what they’re trying to tell you. The trouble is your mind can sometimes take over and override those natural signals to slow down and focus.  Because your mind is part of your ego, and I don’t know about you, buy my ego always wants me to be capable, responsible and in control.  It wants to get a sense of achievement from doing things that seem impossible, from pushing boundaries and taking on the world no matter the cost.

This is the dilemma I’m facing at the moment, is it all too much?  Is my ego clouding the judgement of what my body and mind can handle? Or am I just scared of what might happen if I dive in and fail?

To be honest I think I know what I need to do, but knowing it and doing it are two very different things.  There have been a number of times in my life that have pushed me to make tough decisions, stand up for myself and live my truth no matter what anyone thought or the consequences it may bring.  I’m starting to think this is one of them.